Ultimate Literature List

Note: unranked. Ignore the ranking.
Adult books

1. 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear by Walter Moers
2. The Alchemaster's Apprentice by Walter Moers
3. City of Dreaming Books by Walter Moers
4. Rumo's Miraculous Adventures by Walter Moers (lets just put all his books here)
5. Carnival by Rawi Hage
6. Cockroach by Rawi Hage (slightly too depressing for my taste but still an excellent read)
7. Perfume by Patrick Susskind
8. The Enchantress Of Florence by Salman Rushdie
9. Sputnik Sweetheart Haruki Murakami
10. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
11. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
12. The Belly of Paris Emile Zola
13. Candide by Voltaire
14. The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
15. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon
16. Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
17. Heart Of A Dog Mikhail Bulgakov
18. Horrorstör by Grady Hendrix
19. Mr Penumbra's 24-hour bookstore by Robin Sloan
20. A Confederacy Of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
21. The Little Old Lady who Broke All The Rules by Catharina Ingelman-Sunderberg
22. Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell by Susanna Clark
23. Apt Pupil by Stephen King
24. My Uncle Oswald by Roald Dahl
25. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
26. Interview With A Vampire by Anne Rice
27. Dracula by Bram Stoker (duh)
28. Grotesque by Natsuo Kirino (iffy about whether this should be here because I only liked certain parts)
29. Struck By Lightning by Carson Philips
30. The Book Of Lost Things by John Connolly
31. The Extraordinary Journey of A Fakir Who Got Trapped In An Ikea Wardrobe by Romain Puertolas
32. The Auschwitz Violin by Maria Àngels Anglada
33. Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane (prepare to be mentally disturbed and mindfucked)
34. Easy Money by Jens Lapidus
35. The Devil of Nanking by Mo Hayder
36. Farewell Waltz by Milan Kundera
37. A Year in The Merde (series) by Stephen Clarke
38. The Ice Cream Queen Of Orchard Street by Susan Jane Gilman
39. Lolita by Valdimir Nabokov
40. The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom
41. White Noise by Don Delilo
42. Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
43. Company of Liars Karen Maitland
44. The Pillow Book Of The Flower Samurai by Barbara Lazar
45. Doughnut by Tom Holt
46. Wasp Factory by Iain Banks (disturbing as hell)
47. Dream of Ding Village by Yan Lianke
48. essentially every short story by Roald Dahl
49. Essentially every written work of H.P. Lovecraft (inclusive of his short stories like The White Ship and The Tomb)
50. The Vanishing Witch by Karen Maitland
51. Aurelia by Gerard de Neval (cool bu yes disturbing cuz the author is actually nuts)
52. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
53. La Dame Aux Camelias by Alexandre Dumas\
54. The Non-existent Knight (novella) by Italo Calvino
55. The Cloven Viscount (novella) by Italo Calvino
56. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe (lol)
57. Emily The Strange (series), various authors
58. Fear Itself by Jonathan Nasaw
59. Gods Without Men by Hari Kunzru
60. The History Of The Eye by Georges Bataille (fucking traumatising)
61. The Carrie diaries by Candace Bushnell
62. Harry Potter (Series) by J.K. Rowling (DUHH)
63. The Immortals After Dark series by Kresley Cole (ESPECIALLY the following: Lothaire, No Rest for the Wicked, Wicked Deeds On A Winter's Night, Dark Needs At Night Edge, Kiss Of A Demon King, Macrieve)
64. Jeeves and Wooster by P. G. Wodehouse (series)

THAT'S RIGHT. IF I'M EVER GONNA READ ROMANCE IT HAS TO CONTAIN AN EXCELLENT AND COMPLEX (FANTASY) STORYLINE, VIOLENCE/GORE, SASSY WIT, WELL-WRITTEN SEX SCENES (IF ANY), ACTUALLY ADMIRABLE CHARACTERS, AND WARRANTED ANGST. And of course, great author style.

Also, hot damn Sebastian Wroth.
And why didn't any other author think of having a werewolf clan in Scotland? Scotland is an excellent setting to meet ALL their wolfy needs. From the climate, to the landscape, food and folklore. What's better than playful, sly, sexy (and very buff) werewolf dudes? Playful sly sexy buff werewolf dudes WITH A SCOTTISH ACCENT. IT'S SO CUTE. And it's even better when the ballsy female protagonists make fun of it to piss them off.

Young Adult books (rare gems)

1. The Monstrumologist (series) by Rick Yancey
2. The Marvelous Adventures of Fanboy and Gothgirl by Barry Lyga
3. Fade To Blue by Sean Beaudoin
4. Malice (duology) by Chris Wooding
5. Evil Genius (trilogy) by Catherine Jinks
6. The Reformed Vampire Support Group by Catherine Jinks (god bless this woman)
7. The Wager by Donna Jo Napoli
8. Artemis Fowl (series) by Eoin Colfer
9. Chronicles of Vladimir Todd (Series) by Zac Brewer
10. Bleeding Violets by Dia Reeves
11. Gossip Girl by Cecily Von Ziegesar

Children's books

1. A Wild Ride Through The Night by Walter Moers
2. Haroun and The Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie
3. Goosebumps (series) by R. L. Stine
4. essentially any book written by Roald Dahl (for instance, The Witches, George's Marvellous Medicine, The Twits, The Giraffe the pelly and me, Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, Matilda)
5. Geronimo Stilton by Elisabetta Dami

Poems, plays, epics

1. Full Woman, Fleshly Apple, Hot Moon by Pablo Neruda
2. Ode to Age by Pablo Neruda
3. Ode to Hope by Pablo Neruda
4. Ode to The Cat by Pablo Neruda
5. Ode to Tomatoes by Pablo Neruda
6. Ode to the Lemon by Pablo Neruda
7. Ode to the Watermelon by Pablo Neruda
8. Ode to the Onion by Pablo Neruda
9. Ode to the Book by Pablo Neruda
10. Ode to Wine by PAblo Neruda
11. Ode to the Artichoke by Pablo Neruda
12. Ode to my socks by Pablo Neruda
13. Ode to Salt by Pablo Neruda
14. If you Forget Me by PAblo Neruda
15. Magellanic Penguin by Pablo Neruda
16. Sonnet XVII by Pablo Neruda
17. Sonnet XIII: The light that rises from your feet to your hair by Pablo Neruda
18. Leave me a place Underground by Pablo Neruda
19. Enigmas by PAblo Neruda
20. The Fear by Pablo Neruda
21. The United Fruit co. by Pablo Neruda
22. The Infinite Shining Heavens by Robert Louis Stvenson
23. The Celestial Surgeon by Robert Louis Stvenson
24. Fear Not, Dear Friend by Robert Louis Stvenson
25. My Bed Is A Boat by Robert Louis Stvenson
26. Picture Books In Winter by Robery Louis Stvenson
27. Libertatis Sacra Fames, Theoretikos by Oscar Wilde
28. Requiescat by Oscar Wilde 
29. E Tenebris by Oscar Wilde
30. In the Gold Room: A Harmony by Oscar Wilde
31. The Fourth Movement (epic) by Oscar Wilde
32. The Harlot's House by Oscar Wilde
33. Humanitad (epic) by Oscar Wilde
34. Mad Girl's Love Song by Silvia Plath
35. Lorca's selected poems (what is with Spanish poets how do they compose poems so beautifully? It's all written in my secret journal that is so well hidden I can't find it anymore)
36. Tender Delirium (poetry book) by Tania Del Rosario
37. The Duchess Of Malfi by John Webster (lol)
38. Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams (lol)
39. Midsummer Night's Dream by Shakespeare
40. Hamlet by Shakespeare
41. The Tempest by Shakespeare

Watermelons Watermelons Watermelons

I feel like I should explain the title.

I have discovered that scooping out watermelons with an ice cream scoop to form lil watermelon balls is actually a thing.

THAT...IS.....ADORABLE. HOLY SHIT.
And apparently they're great dunked in vodka. Oooooh yes.

I think watermelons are adorable. They're juicy and sweet and their colour scheme is so bright and summery. And if it weren't for the weird mushy texture, watermelons would've been my favourite fruit.

A lot of stuff's been happening and I feel the need to actually start writing about them before everything starts accumulating and I'd go back to feeling too overwhelmed to actually write anything. First things first: I've made up with Fairy. Well it turns out she's been reading my blog this whole time and she read that post and she finally decided to reply my goddamn messages and apologize before the whole friendship's lost for real. I feel this really gratuitous sense of smugness when I found out that her friends scolded her for not talking it out. Like my smugness could rival my Twitter profile:

.....Anyway. Turns out it was a culmination of stress and the fact that she felt underappreciated because I don't make the effort to talk to her.  I guess to a lot of my friends (and sometimes, boyfriend) I can come across as really cold and distant, since I rarely talk to them. Online at least.

AAAAAAARGH GODDAMMIT I'M NOT ACTUALLY A COLD AND DISTANT PERSON it's just that I rarely have anything to say and it's not in my nature to talk a lot. Conversations come to me waaay more easily in real life. ; - ; And I don't have a lot of things to talk about since I don't share any common interests with most of the people I'm friends with. I'm not sure how much people would appreciate me going in raptures about this G-R-E-A-T fanfiction I've been reading (usually M-rated), or me rambling about makeup and trashy beauty gurus, or the current books I'm reading. Or the books I like. Or me grumbling about stuff I need to learn or buy for making my jewelry. I'M SERIOUSLY THE MOST BORING PERSON EVER.

It's ok. ; - ; I'll try. For real. Not just for Fairy but for everyone else I talk to. IF ANYONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT ANY OF THE STUFF I MENTIONED ABOVE, I'D GLADLY DO IT. WITH A LOT OF PLEASURE.

IF PEOPLE WANT ME TO TALK TO THEM ON A REGULAR BASIS, THIS IS THE TRASH THEY'LL BE HEARING.

List of fanfiction I'm obsessing about at the moment (all Miraculous Ladybug):
*The Ladybugs And The Bees (M-rated, though there hasn't been anything further than 2nd base, as of yet)
*Summer Heat (M-rated. Also great.)
*Satisfaction Brought It Back (M-rated. DAAAMN this one's kinky. Alternate, non-magical universe where both Adrien and Marinette reconnect with each other years after graduating on an S&M/Bondage kink website. IT'S SO WELL WRITTEN THOUGH. FUCK I think I have a crush on the author)
*The Weight of Jade (PG. Everyone's a cinnamon roll. And it's great. All of The Last Pilot's works are great.)

Fanfiction-related stuff (still Miraculous Ladybug but I'm probably gonna throw in Hetalia and MAYBE OPM, if I can get their character down)
*Me starting up and A03 account to write indulgent fanfiction but fantastically failing because I can't get Adrien and Marinette to sin because they're too pure and good to do anything remotely depraved. They're supposed to be having kinky sex while baking but they ended up trading baking puns and running around the kitchen because they had a food fight. I am so bad at this. IT'S ALL JUST FLUFF WHERE IS THE SIN I THOUGHT I HAD THIS DOWN I'M SO UPSET.

*Also I am M.A.Biscuit so feel free to check me out. Not that there's anything to check out since I HAVENT POSTED ANYTHING BECAUSE I'M WEAK AND USELESS.

Dumb inapproapriate things
*Did you know that sex toys are stupidly expensive in my country? Like a vibrator can cost up to a few hundred dollars. I could get a laptop with a few hundred dollars. I could accompany Turban on his mountaineering trips for a few hundred dollars. I could buy an expensive branded lolita dress for a few hundred dollars. I could get my hair professionally dyed for a few hundred dollars. No wonder desperate people like that girl from that girl's school resorted to using a test tube for a dildo. She subsequently had to be sent to the hospital. Yowch. -cough- not that I wanted to buy sex toys. It was just a thought. This just means that even if I wanted to, there's no way in hell I could.

*Those wooden penises I mistook for dildos that were everywhere in Bali are actually charms believed to enhance fertility. I'm ignorant and stupid. WELL SOOOORRY. SOME OF THEM HAD HANDLES ON THE ENDS WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO THINK

*I'm 100% convinced that if Freud were to psychoanalyze my writings and my kokology test results, he'd say that I have something fucked up like "latent sadism" or "hidden polyamorous inclinations" or maybe even bestiality or something. I remember this one Kokology test I took, where you're asked to draw your ideal roller coaster track and the more convoluted and hardcore it was...the more you were sexually....ahem.
Needless to say, mine looked like a bowl of spaghetti:

....yeap.
BUT I'M NOT FUCKED UP, I'M PRETTY SURE I'M NORMAL. Sexually, anyway. I HAVE NORMAL SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR. COME ON I'M PRETTY SURE I'M LIKE A NUN COMPARED TO THEM WHITE HOES I SEE ON TWITTER AND INSTAGRAM. I DON'T EVEN SEND NUDES AND I HAVE A SMALL BUTT I'M A WHITE GUY'S NIGHTMARE.

I SOOO SHOULDN'T LET KOKOLOGY TEST RESULTS GET TO ME. IT'S JUST A STUPID QUIZ THING I SHOULDN'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

Existing Anxieties:
*Not making it into NTU and having to tell my parents I want to be a barista and argue with them. I'm anticipating another surprise sleepover. At least I like sleepovers, and I have Fairy again.

*My mint chocoberry skirt going out of stock on Bodyline, because they restock very very sporadically, if ever. So if this runs out of stock I may never be able to get my hands on it. Tall Lolita said she'd help me buy it and I can pay her later but it's been weeks and she hasn't done it because she's kinda unreliable about that and I'm increasingly antsy but I don't feel like I have a right to chase her since I'm literally borrowing money from her.

*The Soufflesong blouse I ordered taked 45 days to ship. WHY THE FUCK DOES IT TAKE 45 DAYS??? WHAT EVEN. YOU'RE CHINA AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE FASTER AND WAY MORE EFFICIENT ABOUT THIS. THERE ARE LIKE, AT LEAST 3 OTHER ITEMS I INTEND TO ORDER FROM THEM SO I GUESS THIS MEANS I';; HAVE TO WAIT AN ETERNITY FOR THEM TO ARRIVE TOO.

*More Lolita things I want that's gonna run out of stock. Like that spectacular constellation JSK, and that drape-y sleeved blouse...among other things.

*Not actually achieving my summer bod before summer ends (by summer I'm referring to June) because of my bad health and lack of regular work-outs.

*Not actually making decent polymer clay jewelry by the time summer ends and I have to either go to uni (hopefully) or be a barista. Or work in Famous Amos. They're looking for staff and that looks very tempting at the moment.

Book I'm currently into:

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

Introducing Ignatius P. Reilly. The fattest, saltiest and most obnoxious misanthrope you'll ever encounter in New Orleans. I hate him. But he's so amusing that I can't stop reading. Toole has a very unique, wry manner of writing that I've very much taken to. THIS IS GOING ON THE LIST, HELL YES.
Also, the author committed suicide before the book ever got published. His ferocious mom eventually got it published and it won the Pulitzer prize and was critically-acclaimed. Apparently part of the reason Toole committed suicide was because he was rejected.

...Let's hope I don't get inspired to do the same if I get rejected from NTU. JUST KIDDING I'LL GO BE A BARISTA OR SMTH. HA HA HA. HAAAA.

Anyway. Linked to what I just talked about, much of the past 2 weeks has been spent agonizing over my appeal. Some may call me passive. Others who know me may call me stupidly prideful. I just refused to ask anybody for help and OM had to text The Teacher who was nice enough to actually attempt consoling me. It's ok a long screaming Fall Out Boy session more or less fixed that. She was helping me with the appeal, on and off, but her replies were sparse and infrequent so OM wanted to ask other teachers for help as well. I hate asking people for help. And the only thing worse than asking people for help is asking people I'm not close to for help. OM was so frustrated because he was dragging my ass around school one of those days and I refused to ask his teacher. I eventually caved and got my CCA teacher, who ended up not really knowing anything about appeals anyway so he wasn't very helpful. I feel kinda bad that he had to put up with the extremely stressed and angsty me, but honestly, he was doing the opposite of calming me down so...I don't know what he was expecting from a faithless pessimistic individual who was on the verge of the mental breakdown. I had a shit ton of problems writing my appeal, and there were several moments where I panicked because Fairy showed me her friend's appeal and it was COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM MINE. WE TALK ABOUT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. SHIT. BUT IT'S ALL GOOD. I CAN TRUST THE TEACHER'S DIRECTIONS, RIGHT??? I CAN TRUST MY  OLD AND EXPERIENCED AND PASSIONATE LIT TUTOR WHO DOESN'T HATE ME TO GET MY ASS TO UNIVERSITY, because she DID actually email the head prof OMFG. I WANNA READ THE EMAIL. BUT I OBVIOUSLY CAN'T. ):

Now that I've submitted everything, though, I'm trying not to think about that. I'm just gonna keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. AT LEAST GRANT ME AN INTERVIEW. SHEESH.

ANYWAY. ON TOO LESS POTENTIALLY ANGSTY STUFF, I've submitted the appeal so all is SUPPOSED to be good in my world. But I fail as an adult because I've been NEETing at home, on the internet. And not sleeping or exercising regularly. Or eating properly. To OM's exasperation. Although I HAVE just topped up my supply of instant noodles, so YAY :D. No more boringass bread and crackers.
...How do I live with myself. How is it that I'm turning twenty this year I'm not even functioning properly this is stupid.

IT'S OK. I'VE DECIDED TO BREAK OUT OF THAT CYCLE STARTING NOW. I'M SLEEPING ONCE I'M DONE WITH THIS POST.

OK I'M DONE. HA. IT'S NOT EVEN 2AM YET.

....my standards make me sad.