Debauchery, Among Other Things

Am currently playing the Grease soundtrack because that seldom fails to liven me up. You'd think that I'd be a lot more excited about entering university, campus life and etc but honestly all I feel is kinda tired and irritable.
(Summer Nights is playing right now. Aaaaaah it's so cute I love the song)

Probably because I'm so unprepared and at this point I have 0 expectations after my experience in junior college. I guess it's all because there're other things that have me upset and worried. Like OM leaving. My broke-ness that's gonna make it very difficult to buy presents for upcoming birthdays. And how I actually WANT to do well in uni but I have no confidence in scoring well for such a difficult course, and the fact that my coursemates are going to be very intelligent, probably.

Aaaand of course. My dad's now convinced that I've been sneaking my boyfriend into my house to do the do. EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T. Thanks to some offhand comment that my neighbour made to my mom, who HAD to blab about it in the car. She basically asked my mom if I had a boyfriend and that just sparked paranoid thoughts like "BUT WHY WOULD SHE ASK THAT?" and etc. (if you think I have 0 chill wait till you meet my dad his chill is -10000) And even though there's a long list of reasons for WHY she had asked that question:

• Hung out with Ruban a lot and he's sent me home a couple of times and even stayed over once, to the horror of my mom
• Wearing lolita more frequently in the past week or so and she's assuming that I'm "dressing up" to meet someone for a date
• Nowadays I dress and make myself look more girly, unlike in the past when I gave no fucks and wore sloppy/baggy clothes and bitchy makeup 24/7
• She somehow remembered OM from when he came over on New Year's(?)
• LONG, LONG time ago I hung out with this Canadian friend of mine and he sent me home but we ended up sitting on the floor of my block talking (no I didn't let him in my house), drinking apple cider and we weren't being noisy but I guess we were probably being kinda a nuisance and she's somehow still remembers that and resents me for it.

Well...you know my dad. I don't have anything to hide, because I REALLY haven't brought him over. Have I been tempted to? Well duh. Whether we want to admit it or not, everyone's been a hormone-addled teenager at some point in their lives. And think of how much I'm gonna save on transport money. I don't even have to step out of my house. BUT I DID NOT DO IT. GEEZ. Then, you might ask, WHY AM I WORRIED? When it comes to my parents, I've come to realize this- 

It doesn't matter if I did it or not, if they think I did it, I might as well have.

 It's like how in the past I fell really, really sick and had to take a really strong antibiotics (I've never taken antibiotics before) and I had a really bad reaction to it.
(Right now they're very timely playing "There Are Worse Things I Could Do". Anyone who understands the context of the song when it was sang in the movie will understand. My dad's in the room as I'm writing this post lmao) And by that I mean, I ended up getting a yeast infection because the medicine screwed with the pH levels in my body. They took me to the gynaecologist who verified and confirmed everything. It was even printed on the results. It was the meds. I'm also pretty sure my reaction to the pap smear would've erased any doubt that I was a virgin but nevermind that. In any case, they were still convinced that I got a yeast infection because I had sex, even though there was literally a certified sheet of paper that stated I did not. They even brought up stupid points like how "I had pimples near my mouth area at that time" (like any other teenage girl who occasionally gets pimples in their mouth and chin area when that time of the month draws near). Motherfucking hell. HOW DOES ONE CONVINCE SUCH PEOPLE.

So yeah. Taking into account all that, I have reason to be worried.

Honestly a big part of me is just feeling really....apathetic about this. I am turning twenty this year and I don't feel like something this stupid is worth being concerned about. I have already lived a significant portion of my life under their perception that I am some trashy, no-good, bimbo tramp so if they keep thinking that, I'm really not gonna give a fuck. I feel like there's a huge disparity between the expectations of my family and friends. On one end of the spectrum there's my parents, sister and most of the paternal side of my family thinking I'm this lazy, ignorant and intellectually-stunted ditz and on the other end there are people like Turban who see me in this extremely idealized light, like I'm some flawless human being.

I'm.
Just.
Nothing.

Can I just be left alone. And can I be seen as a normal human being. I don't think I belong in any of these extremes, I think I'm a very normal person. I have not done anything that warrants such perceptions of me. I talk a lot about how I like alcohol but I've never gotten drunk. Despite my ribaldry (and clothing choices) I have not actually had sex. I think drugs (for non-medical uses) are stupid. I don't even club or stay out late. I may think religion can be stupid sometimes but I have my own moral code and values that I've never compromised. I'm also not exceptionally flirtatious, charming, good-looking or social, nor am I a genius at anything. I have average grades and intelligence and below-average ambition. I don't find myself particularly talented at anything so yeah I think I'm a pretty boring person.

My -very brief and slightly depressing- Yarnspinner Digression ends here, where was I? Ah yes. I do genuinely hope that my parents have stopped being the typical old generation Singaporean parents who have the mindset of the christians in the medieval ages.

Cross my fingers. Things will change.

Also Fairy's birthday is tomorrow. Oh fuck.

Frank Observations Of A Pseudo Librarian

I feel that nowadays I don't have any valid excuses for going on my long hiatuses. Since I've (somewhat) quit work and am more or less bumming around at home until my barista course starts, AND taking a gap year (though I'm not doing any of that any longer, apparently. More on that later), I'm technically the freest person I know. Which is why after weeks of avoiding doing everything I've wanted to do - make polymer clay food jewelry, write, and blog, I've scolded myself enough to do at least one of the three today. I've had this great inspiration (from reading a book about the Hubble Space Telescope) for my story but at the moment I'm facing a lot of problems writing a conversation taking place between the main character and a flaky constellation.

ANYWAY. On to what I'm writing about. This post is probably not as stupid as I look. Presently I'm wearing UV glasses and my mouth is frozen in a joker-like grin because I have a peroxide-free whitening strip pasted on my upper set of teeth (being a coffee addict has its dire, dire consequences).

I've worked in the library for a pretty long time, just about 2 and a half months. And I've decided that I've mused enough and made a sufficient number of observations to warrant a post.

My job is the job that everybody assumes a librarian to have - basically cart around books and shelve them. Which is about as fun as it sounds - not at all. In any case that's a huge misconception because we're NOT librarians. In a sense we are the mindless underpaid zombie mules that are made to do more than what the job description entails. And by that I mean doing the job the librarians are supposed to be doing - customer service. You'd think that the library patrons would look for help from the people that are ACTUALLY in an NLB uniform, instead of the cranky old people in hideous polo shirts that are VERY preoccupied with arranging and shelving books, but no. The real librarians are seated very comfortably on large, padded roller chairs behind a desk doing god knows what all day. I guess you could say they have a very cushy job. -insert loud booing-

Before working for a government organization one can expect several things:

1. Large and inflexible bureaucratic system
2. Inefficiency
3. An unneccessarily extensive set of stupid rules and regulations
4. Stupid and lazy people
5. Meager pay
6. Cheapskate and stingy. Because Singapore.

Well this is what it's REALLY like to work for a government organization:

1. HUMONGOUS, and humongously stupidly inflexible bureaucractic system
2. An unreal amount of inefficiency and productivity that will have Steve Jobs committing suicide on his first day.
3. An unneccessarily extensive set of stupid rules and regulations
4. Stupid and VERY lazy people (the library staff, not my poor overworked coworkers mind you)
5. Very meager pay
6. Cheapskate and stingy. Because Singapore.

With the stupidity and general shitty-ness of the patrons, the library staff and the very low pay (worse than MacDonald's, laughably), it's not hard to see why they are very, very short of people. I pity my supervisor sometimes. She's a nice person.

Anyway, shitty-ness aside, being the jaded, misanthropic ol' crank that I am (I identify very much with Bosola, before his change in character in associating with the Duchess) I believe the state of the Singaporean library is a great metaphor for the general state of Singapore and it's people.

What comes to mind when one thinks of a library?

Well even if it's not as fanciful and majestic as the ones in Prague/ Czech Republic shown above, I'd at least imagine a place for intellectuals, or students doing research and the assortment of people that, at the very least, come here to read - whether for the pursuit of knowledge or leisure. 

Here in Singapore, what do you have?
A large herd of insipid, unhygienic folk - tending towards the older end of the age spectrum (not being ageist, it's just a very frank observation) that come in here to hog the seats and air-conditioning. It wouldn't be so bad if they were at least reading, but no. They just plop their horrible-smelling sacks of flesh down on the seats and sit there like chunks of fermenting kueh lapis from 10am to 9pm. What, you may ask, do they do in these 11 hours? Oh, the list is long and varied. It's usually a very fascinating combination of the following: airing their smelly feet, picking their (smelly) feet, picking their nose, snoring loudly, talking loudly, scratching their backs on the columns, burping, farting, nosily staring at us while we work. The few that DO read, just dump whatever material they've perused in any random bookshelf that happens to be near them, much like untrained animals which take a dump wherever and whenever's convenient for them. Except that the latter has the excuse of NOT being toilet-trained. However, I suppose that excuse of not being toilet-trained is valid for some of those people. They certainly smell like it.

I guess in a way I should be thankful for my job. It made me realize how I should never, ever sit on any of those seats ever again. ESPECIALLY THE ARMCHAIRS.

Anyway, on to less disgusting stuff. You know how everyone nowadays is like "you can't judge me for what I like or do" blah blah? I kinda disagree with that notion because most of the time what you say and do DOES say a lot about you as a person. Why would anyone think otherwise? Whatever conscious (and deliberate) decision one makes DEFINITELY says something about your character and personality, whether you like it or not. You are what you eat? You are also what you read.

After being made to shelve pretty much the entire adult section in the library, this is made pretty clear to me.
The Business section: Very neat and organized to the second decimal point of the books' call number.
The Computer section: Very much neat and also organized to the second d.p. of the call number. Tome-like manuals often collapse on themselves, much like its readers who probably also collapse on themselves from the tedium of their work.
The Health section: Only superficially neat and organized. Upon closer inspection one realizes its kinda a huge mess, much like the mental state of its readers who are also a mess because of their hypochondria and self-consciousness.
The General section (what you read for GP, basically): a huge fucking mess, much like the state of the world.
The History section: Read above. Clearly much hasn't changed from the past.
The self-help section: A huge fucking mess, much like its readers.
The religion section: Ha ha ha. Read above.

And on to fiction books.
Cutest and sweetest and most polite patrons? Danielle Steele readers.
P.G. Wodehouse, Agatha Christie and the occasional M.C. Beaton readers? I see you have good taste.
Norah Roberts and Stephen King: smh

Don't get me started on the YA books.

xoxo,
Cupcake Militant

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Contact lenses from 19ninety-six.com

Lolita Fun at Gardens By The Bay + Meeting The Prospective Son-In-Law

Met with Tall Lolita and Mermaid to Gardens By The Bay on Wednesday. Through some divine miracle my hair looked really great despite me not bothering to style it and I was decked out in classic lolita. I was slightly upset that I couldn't wear my contact lenses because they have not arrived, but I think I still looked pretty good. Better than how I usually do nowadays anyway. I'm still not completely used to getting the eye from the general public. I'd like to think my mentality is similar to that of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille, who likes to slink around unseen by people. I mean if there's another thing we have in common, it is that human beings stink like fuck. I'd know that from working at the library. The sheer amount of gross people who patronize that place will horrify you and make you never want to sit on any of the sofas again. BUT FUCK IT. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, HOW I WANT AND WHEN I WANT.

Met Mermaid at Suntec for some good ol' traditional Ya Kun breakfast because kaya-butter toast and teh-o will never ever get old. TL overslept and I am very relieved that I called her because she made it JUST IN TIME :D though ended up missing breakfast lol.

I have to say I was less than impressed with the flower dome this time. Since it was the last few days of the Lilytopia exhibition, they didn't bother weeding out the dead and shriveled plants and they all kinda just hung there. Also, many of the lillies have not even bloomed so I found it a huge waste.
I also apologize for the sucky photos because my phone is dying and I really need a new one.

Cute puffy purple ball of petals

This would've been a great photo if it weren't for all the shriveled brown flowers. Couldn't get them out of the shot, even after trying a variety of angles. I guess if I was a pretentious angsty hipster tween I'd say that the dead flowers make it look great because it's a great commentary on sad human life.

But really. I didn't take much flower photos because they weren't really worth taking a photo of.

One thing I love about flowers? THE COLOUR.

Couture fairy dresses that I really want to watercolour sometime.

Tried again. Still can't cut out dead flowers.

FABULOUS couture fairy dresses/

I really liked this plant and I can't explain why.

IT"S LIKE A BEAUTIFUL PURPLE MORNING STAR.

Drooping goth bud.

BEAUTIFUL RADIANCE.

I never get sick of the cacti and desert exhibit because I love cacti. They're so cute. Usually rotund and covered with either fur or spikes, they're the baubles of the desert :D. And according to chinese superstition they ward of evil, which increases their adorableness by 1000x.

Photos of myself and my friends are posted here. Password is my birthday in the order DDMMYYYY.

Mermaid's crush decided to spontaneously ask her out to lunch and we ended up tagging along. We ate at Texas Chicken, which was the worst decision I made that day along with deciding to not contour my face and use powder blush. He's a pretty fun guy, and within a couple of minutes of meeting him I found that we were having a very hot-headed debate about the differences between ice cream and yogurt. He hopes to one day find a girl with boobs smaller than his. Hahaha good luck.

There's this extremely stupidly over priced clothing shop called Choocolate that sold Pompompurin-themed clothing. As much as I love that french canine, I am not spending over $80 on a shirt.

Then we went to Kinokuniya and reverted back into our weaboo selves. Commented a lot on anime and yes he's as much of a weab as Mermaid is.

Cute books from Kinokuniya. :D

One day I shall buy you all.