I have finally gotten to reading Wodehouse's beloved series, Jeeves & Wooster, and it is an absolute hoot! I wish I had started on it earlier. I need my very own Jeeves to efficiently and very effortlessly handle all the bullshit that's currently going on.
European bureaucracies are the absolute worst. It has been absolutely hellish trying to apply for my Russian VISA. I was first told that I needed a document to prove that I didn't have AIDS -an idea that sounded to me absolutely preposterous- because that was one of the documents required for my VISA application, only to find out (on the Russian Consulate's website itself) that that was not required. And when I called the Russian Embassy/consulate, I got transferred back and forth because apparently no one knew what exactly the Russian VISA requirements were. Absolutely ridiculous. I almost booked myself an appointment for a HIV test today and it was a good thing I triple-checked and decided to do more research. My internet browsing history looks so shady now cuz I've been googling AIDS tests. Fuck this bullshit.
I eventually found out, after surfing several websites, that a HIV test document was only needed if I was going to be in Russia for longer than 90 days, SO I DON'T ACTUALLY NEED IT. Even though the people at the Visa Application centre said I did. In any case, I've been in contact with the Russian university so what I need to do is to basically head down to the Russian Consulate and get it settled there. I shall be doing that ASAP. I want to get this over and done with and focus on things that I should be ACTUALLY worried about, for instance, my proficiency in Russian. As opposed to arbitrary bureaucratic barriers with tedious application processes, run by clueless, unfriendly and unhelpful people.
Anyhoo, that's about it for now on the Russian thing. Am still trying to comprehend Russian grammar, but there's no need for a ramble on that. On to another thing that I'd really like to get settled once and for all.
This shall be the very last post I will make concerning this issue. While the subject in question may say, in his far too frequent emails, that he will not read this blog, I know for a fact that he will, given that that's the only window through which he could have any idea of what's going on in my life (since I've blocked him off everything). And whatever he chooses for himself to believe, and however he chooses to wildly misinterpret whatever I write, is none of my beeswax because I really don't give a fuck at this point.
Once again, I don't know how to make this any clearer. I have no desire in the slightest to ever see your ugly face, deal with your manipulative and toxic personality, or be a part of your messed-up life. You can make as many romantic proclamations as you wish. You may ramble as much as you want about girls you check out, wish to bed, flirt with, and whatever horrible things you've done or wanted to do while you were dating me, and after you were dating me. I really, TRULY, can't be fucked. If anything, knowing all of this just increases my certainty that you were and still are, a horrible person. I wish all the other girls (you claim) to be attracted to you the best of luck if they ever have to deal with you. The only thing that makes me sad is the fact that I wasted three years of my life that I could've spent being more confident and un-oppressed, having less/no fights and being more confident of myself. Oh well I guess we all live and learn.
I honestly don't care about how much your family, friends and our schoolmates hate me. I don't know what you've told them, and I don't want to know. If they have chosen to dislike/look down on me even though they've only heard your side of the story, they are free to do so. I don't care for the opinions of people like that. If your family hates me because our breakup exposed the monster/wreck you've always been, they have every right to do so. To some extent, getting disliked by people isn't exactly a novel occurrence for me, and this is something I can easily take in stride. Though if you reaaally want some objective feedback about this whole thing from your friends? Show them all your long and disgusting emails. Make it a point to remind them that you're sending this to someone who has moved on and is in a romantic relationship with someone else. See what they have to say about how disgusting you've been/are being.
With regards to the nature of my romantic relationship, if you wish to convince yourself that we are some hormone-fuelled, toxically codependent polyamorous couple; if you want to think he's a -and I quote- "typical Singaporean NS man" that is "full of bullshit" and etc. because all that makes you feel better about your pathetic self, then think as you wish. The people I actually care about, and myself, know better. To deludedly assume that I do not wish to see you merely because I'm in a relationship is really oversimplifying the matter. I do not wish to see you for several reasons, and I shall list them out for the very last time here, unranked.
1) You are mentally unstable and extremely incoherent. And no, meeting me will not fix that. Your very notion of expecting me to fix that is highly problematic and speaks for itself about your mental stability.
2) I am not going to meet someone who has romantic intentions towards me, and thinks he "owes [me] a good fuck", because I have no romantic interest whatsoever in said person. In fact I don't have any interest at all and would prefer it if said person dropped dead.
3) Related to #2: I am seeing someone, and I love that person a lot. He is sweet, kind and honest. He is smart, but not an arrogant and obnoxious ass about it. He is friendly and considerate, but he also respects my feelings, gives me space when I need it. Above all, we are both self-reliant. It's not that toxic kind of codependency that we had, which was horrid and I shudder to recall it. He is also a man both my family (father included) and friends approve of. Whether we last till the day we find ourselves at the altar or not, is honestly none of your business. I am content with what I have with him at the moment. And even if (touch wood) we don't last, I can say that I am glad all of that happened. Because I am happy and content in a way that I have never quite known before. I can't say the same for our relationship lmao. In any case, I do not wish to see you because I am committed to someone else. And I don't have room for a toxic, narcissistic turdface with his head up his ass (that's why it's turdface). Metaphorically speaking, my life is this really big freshly-baked pie and all the things and people I love are the fragrant and succulent filling, spiced and bursting with flavour and everyone who sees and smells it smiles (wow the sibilance in this) and is happy, and the accomplishments I'm slowly but surely making are the pastry bits that are baking and gradually turning that perfect shade of golden brown. You are the shitstain that no one wants in or on the pie. I'm sure some other unfortunate girl out there would love to have that in her pie, so stick it elsewhere. Like the girls you were gonna cheat on me with, or that German girl.
Lastly, I'd like to say a big fuck you for discrediting every effort I've made. I wrote my own essays, I completed my own A Level papers. I scheduled my own damn consultations. I wrote my own university essays, and I studied and sat for my own exams. I passed my Philosophy interview through my effort, and I wrote that email by myself, of my own volition. I am the reason I am where I'm at now, not you. Did you know that plagiarizing can get you expelled, or is your head too far up your ass for you to acknowledge that everything I've done, every failure and success I've had does not revolve around you? You've got a lot of nerve claiming credit for getting me into university, giving me confidence and etc. I was depressed after my O Levels because I didn't score as well as I wanted and I had no solid idea about what I wanted to do in life. I didn't really want to go JC but I was forced there. I didn't do well as a science student at all. All these factor into why I had very very low self-esteem. You did not make me feel more confident. You made it worse. And though I had the occasional bursts of motivation and belief in myself because I did SOME things right and accomplished some things occasionally, I wasn't confident in the slightest, I wasn't convinced that I wasn't a worthless human being until I entered university. You were rude. You insulted and pissed off all my friends. But they hate you not only because of that, but also because they saw how toxic you were and how you weren't suited for me at all. You were the reason I even fought with my dad in the first place. So quit trying to elevate yourself. Quit being all sanctimonious about your behaviour and actions.
I have no desire to see you and I never will, for a myriad of valid reasons that concern not only your state of mental health, but mine as well, and the fact that I wish move on from this. Without you in the picture. Like out of not only the pie, not just out of the oven but also out of the kitchen. Maybe house or country. You're free to spam me with more pathetic emails but I assure you I won't read them.
You need to get over your ego and move on. Because I've moved on, and I am happy where I am presently (I know you haaaaate to hear that). Not only with my boyfriend, but with my friends, my family and my grades.
Fuck Off Bye.
Cupcake Militant
European bureaucracies are the absolute worst. It has been absolutely hellish trying to apply for my Russian VISA. I was first told that I needed a document to prove that I didn't have AIDS -an idea that sounded to me absolutely preposterous- because that was one of the documents required for my VISA application, only to find out (on the Russian Consulate's website itself) that that was not required. And when I called the Russian Embassy/consulate, I got transferred back and forth because apparently no one knew what exactly the Russian VISA requirements were. Absolutely ridiculous. I almost booked myself an appointment for a HIV test today and it was a good thing I triple-checked and decided to do more research. My internet browsing history looks so shady now cuz I've been googling AIDS tests. Fuck this bullshit.
I eventually found out, after surfing several websites, that a HIV test document was only needed if I was going to be in Russia for longer than 90 days, SO I DON'T ACTUALLY NEED IT. Even though the people at the Visa Application centre said I did. In any case, I've been in contact with the Russian university so what I need to do is to basically head down to the Russian Consulate and get it settled there. I shall be doing that ASAP. I want to get this over and done with and focus on things that I should be ACTUALLY worried about, for instance, my proficiency in Russian. As opposed to arbitrary bureaucratic barriers with tedious application processes, run by clueless, unfriendly and unhelpful people.
Anyhoo, that's about it for now on the Russian thing. Am still trying to comprehend Russian grammar, but there's no need for a ramble on that. On to another thing that I'd really like to get settled once and for all.
This shall be the very last post I will make concerning this issue. While the subject in question may say, in his far too frequent emails, that he will not read this blog, I know for a fact that he will, given that that's the only window through which he could have any idea of what's going on in my life (since I've blocked him off everything). And whatever he chooses for himself to believe, and however he chooses to wildly misinterpret whatever I write, is none of my beeswax because I really don't give a fuck at this point.
Once again, I don't know how to make this any clearer. I have no desire in the slightest to ever see your ugly face, deal with your manipulative and toxic personality, or be a part of your messed-up life. You can make as many romantic proclamations as you wish. You may ramble as much as you want about girls you check out, wish to bed, flirt with, and whatever horrible things you've done or wanted to do while you were dating me, and after you were dating me. I really, TRULY, can't be fucked. If anything, knowing all of this just increases my certainty that you were and still are, a horrible person. I wish all the other girls (you claim) to be attracted to you the best of luck if they ever have to deal with you. The only thing that makes me sad is the fact that I wasted three years of my life that I could've spent being more confident and un-oppressed, having less/no fights and being more confident of myself. Oh well I guess we all live and learn.
I honestly don't care about how much your family, friends and our schoolmates hate me. I don't know what you've told them, and I don't want to know. If they have chosen to dislike/look down on me even though they've only heard your side of the story, they are free to do so. I don't care for the opinions of people like that. If your family hates me because our breakup exposed the monster/wreck you've always been, they have every right to do so. To some extent, getting disliked by people isn't exactly a novel occurrence for me, and this is something I can easily take in stride. Though if you reaaally want some objective feedback about this whole thing from your friends? Show them all your long and disgusting emails. Make it a point to remind them that you're sending this to someone who has moved on and is in a romantic relationship with someone else. See what they have to say about how disgusting you've been/are being.
With regards to the nature of my romantic relationship, if you wish to convince yourself that we are some hormone-fuelled, toxically codependent polyamorous couple; if you want to think he's a -and I quote- "typical Singaporean NS man" that is "full of bullshit" and etc. because all that makes you feel better about your pathetic self, then think as you wish. The people I actually care about, and myself, know better. To deludedly assume that I do not wish to see you merely because I'm in a relationship is really oversimplifying the matter. I do not wish to see you for several reasons, and I shall list them out for the very last time here, unranked.
1) You are mentally unstable and extremely incoherent. And no, meeting me will not fix that. Your very notion of expecting me to fix that is highly problematic and speaks for itself about your mental stability.
2) I am not going to meet someone who has romantic intentions towards me, and thinks he "owes [me] a good fuck", because I have no romantic interest whatsoever in said person. In fact I don't have any interest at all and would prefer it if said person dropped dead.
3) Related to #2: I am seeing someone, and I love that person a lot. He is sweet, kind and honest. He is smart, but not an arrogant and obnoxious ass about it. He is friendly and considerate, but he also respects my feelings, gives me space when I need it. Above all, we are both self-reliant. It's not that toxic kind of codependency that we had, which was horrid and I shudder to recall it. He is also a man both my family (father included) and friends approve of. Whether we last till the day we find ourselves at the altar or not, is honestly none of your business. I am content with what I have with him at the moment. And even if (touch wood) we don't last, I can say that I am glad all of that happened. Because I am happy and content in a way that I have never quite known before. I can't say the same for our relationship lmao. In any case, I do not wish to see you because I am committed to someone else. And I don't have room for a toxic, narcissistic turdface with his head up his ass (that's why it's turdface). Metaphorically speaking, my life is this really big freshly-baked pie and all the things and people I love are the fragrant and succulent filling, spiced and bursting with flavour and everyone who sees and smells it smiles (wow the sibilance in this) and is happy, and the accomplishments I'm slowly but surely making are the pastry bits that are baking and gradually turning that perfect shade of golden brown. You are the shitstain that no one wants in or on the pie. I'm sure some other unfortunate girl out there would love to have that in her pie, so stick it elsewhere. Like the girls you were gonna cheat on me with, or that German girl.
Lastly, I'd like to say a big fuck you for discrediting every effort I've made. I wrote my own essays, I completed my own A Level papers. I scheduled my own damn consultations. I wrote my own university essays, and I studied and sat for my own exams. I passed my Philosophy interview through my effort, and I wrote that email by myself, of my own volition. I am the reason I am where I'm at now, not you. Did you know that plagiarizing can get you expelled, or is your head too far up your ass for you to acknowledge that everything I've done, every failure and success I've had does not revolve around you? You've got a lot of nerve claiming credit for getting me into university, giving me confidence and etc. I was depressed after my O Levels because I didn't score as well as I wanted and I had no solid idea about what I wanted to do in life. I didn't really want to go JC but I was forced there. I didn't do well as a science student at all. All these factor into why I had very very low self-esteem. You did not make me feel more confident. You made it worse. And though I had the occasional bursts of motivation and belief in myself because I did SOME things right and accomplished some things occasionally, I wasn't confident in the slightest, I wasn't convinced that I wasn't a worthless human being until I entered university. You were rude. You insulted and pissed off all my friends. But they hate you not only because of that, but also because they saw how toxic you were and how you weren't suited for me at all. You were the reason I even fought with my dad in the first place. So quit trying to elevate yourself. Quit being all sanctimonious about your behaviour and actions.
I have no desire to see you and I never will, for a myriad of valid reasons that concern not only your state of mental health, but mine as well, and the fact that I wish move on from this. Without you in the picture. Like out of not only the pie, not just out of the oven but also out of the kitchen. Maybe house or country. You're free to spam me with more pathetic emails but I assure you I won't read them.
You need to get over your ego and move on. Because I've moved on, and I am happy where I am presently (I know you haaaaate to hear that). Not only with my boyfriend, but with my friends, my family and my grades.
Cupcake Militant
